Wordless Wednesday

Children's Bill of Rights

We the children of the divorcing parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Bill Of Rights for all children.

1. The right not to be asked to "choose sides" or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.
   
2. The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.
   
3. The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.
   
4. The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.
   
5. The right not to be a messenger.
   
6. The right to express my feelings.
   
7. The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.
   
8. The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.
   
9. The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.
   
10. The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.
    
11. The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.
    
12. The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent's well being.
    
13. The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.
    
14. The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.
    
15. The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.
    
16. The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.
    

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Please realize that this is NOT law, anywhere.
The "Children's' Bill of Rights" is not legally enforceable, but rather suggestions made to keep the best interest of the child a priority.

Taken from Divorce HQ

Wordless Wednesday

38 years and still in love: Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

OK, so this post isn't completely wordless...but that's OK:) 

Thank you Mom and Dad for raising me with a realistic view of marriage. You guys made it through so many hard times, but have a stronger marriage because of it. Marriage is hard work; it takes much strength and perseverance!

Love you!

tomorrow

Last night, Michael and I were laying in my bed talking. The conversation just kept going and going and going. Normally I don't like to allow too much stalling before bedtime, but last night was different. He was having a real conversation and I could tell he was just eating up the time with me. Alone time with me. One-on-one time with me. The last part of our conversation went like this...

"OK, Michael, time to go to sleep. I need to go clean and then I'll come back and lay with you.
"But you can clean tomorrow."
"I also have to pack for our trip."
"But you can pack tomorrow."
"I need to do the laundry."
"But you can do laundry tomorrow."
"You know, Michael, you're right...."

We kept talking, but since Michael is the "man of the house" while Dave is gone I made him help me close up the house before we went to bed together. So we closed windows and curtains, locked doors, picked things up, and went to bed. Michael and I fell asleep talking and cuddling. It was nice...and he was right. I can do all those things tomorrow. Sometimes it's worth it to live in the present and snuggle with my big boy.

And now it's today and I've got work to do!

staying grounded

In our fast-paced world, it is so important to stay grounded!

I like to spend a lot of time outdoors.
It renews me.
It inspires me.

It's the simple things like working with my hands in my garden that give me time to clear my brain. Choosing to walk, instead of drive, to the store allows for me to take in my surroundings, rather than rush past them. And sometimes I just like to sit on my bench swing or lay in my hammock so I can hear the sounds of nature.

When I connect with nature, the problems that seem so big in the moment start to slowly fade away until they don't seem so big and important anymore.

How do you stay grounded in your day-to-day life?

forgiveness

Wikipedia defines forgiveness like this..."Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation, or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."

Bottom line... forgiveness is a process...

Over the years, I received several half-hearted apologies from Eric. To me, they meant nothing if he wasn't willing to change his actions. It took a very long time for me to realize that I actually did need to practice forgiveness with Eric...not because of Eric or his apologies, but because of ME! I was suffering because of this weight I chose to keep.

For a long time it felt like I had to forgive him over and over and over for the same things because I just couldn't let go! Thankfully I have learned to let go of the hatred, but I get the feeling it may try to creep it's way back into my life...

Like the other day when I was talking to Maya. We don't talk about Eric often, but occasionally he makes his way into our conversation. [Maya does see him from time to time because of her little brother and sister at her Mom's.] Maya knows about the court order which clearly states that Eric is not to be a significant part of her life any longer. Which is good! But Maya is 12 and is learning to be an adult little by little and she likes to help to make decisions for her life. It upsets Maya that our court order tells her who she cannot let in her life. Afterall, she wasn't involved in the decision to keep Eric away. So sadly, Eric still has a hold on her. Not a big hold on her, but a hold none-the-less.

I hope and pray she doesn't resent her Mom, Dad, and I for guarding her from Eric. But mostly I hope and pray that as she matures, Maya makes the decision to guard herself from Eric. But maybe that isn't the right way to think about things...maybe I should be hoping and praying that Eric changes himself...hmm...these are heavy thoughts for a Friday!

For now though, I will continue to live my life without the weight of hatred.

How about you? Are there people in your life that you need to practice forgiveness with so you can get on with your life?

TGIF!
The Other Mother

Wordless Wednesday

Maya then

Maya now

Some things never change:)

hatred

I did not know true hatred until I became a Step-Mom.

Not because of Maya.
Absolutely not because of Maya.

You see, Maya is this exceptional person who can look at someone and see good. No matter what. Others could look at the same person and see a monster, but not Maya. Maya gave me hope. She was the reason I didn't want to leave her father's side. Although there were many times I thought about calling it quits.
Too many.
It's embarrassing actually.
But I didn't quit. I refused to because I had a job and people were counting on me to be my best.

At the time I was too wrapped up in hate see this, but I wasn't being my best. I let myself become so overcome with hatred that I couldn't see the big picture. I mean it's not like I enjoyed that twisting, turning, gut-wrenching feeling I got when I saw this "monster". Or when I would read his lengthy emails detailing how he was right and I was wrong...and every little reason why. Looking back now, it makes me so sad that I wasted precious time in my life and my kids' lives by letting this oppressive hatred overcome me.

I let my insides deteriorate. I let him hurt me. It still makes me sick to think about sometimes.

I hated Eric.

For MANY reasons.

Mostly I hated Eric for hurting Maya.

But the worst part about hatred is how it digs itself deeper. It eats away at good thoughts and destroys us from the inside. It is a long and burdened life to keep hatred alive...and it's very tiring...VERY tiring...