hatred

I did not know true hatred until I became a Step-Mom.

Not because of Maya.
Absolutely not because of Maya.

You see, Maya is this exceptional person who can look at someone and see good. No matter what. Others could look at the same person and see a monster, but not Maya. Maya gave me hope. She was the reason I didn't want to leave her father's side. Although there were many times I thought about calling it quits.
Too many.
It's embarrassing actually.
But I didn't quit. I refused to because I had a job and people were counting on me to be my best.

At the time I was too wrapped up in hate see this, but I wasn't being my best. I let myself become so overcome with hatred that I couldn't see the big picture. I mean it's not like I enjoyed that twisting, turning, gut-wrenching feeling I got when I saw this "monster". Or when I would read his lengthy emails detailing how he was right and I was wrong...and every little reason why. Looking back now, it makes me so sad that I wasted precious time in my life and my kids' lives by letting this oppressive hatred overcome me.

I let my insides deteriorate. I let him hurt me. It still makes me sick to think about sometimes.

I hated Eric.

For MANY reasons.

Mostly I hated Eric for hurting Maya.

But the worst part about hatred is how it digs itself deeper. It eats away at good thoughts and destroys us from the inside. It is a long and burdened life to keep hatred alive...and it's very tiring...VERY tiring...