forgiveness

Wikipedia defines forgiveness like this..."Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation, or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."

Bottom line... forgiveness is a process...

Over the years, I received several half-hearted apologies from Eric. To me, they meant nothing if he wasn't willing to change his actions. It took a very long time for me to realize that I actually did need to practice forgiveness with Eric...not because of Eric or his apologies, but because of ME! I was suffering because of this weight I chose to keep.

For a long time it felt like I had to forgive him over and over and over for the same things because I just couldn't let go! Thankfully I have learned to let go of the hatred, but I get the feeling it may try to creep it's way back into my life...

Like the other day when I was talking to Maya. We don't talk about Eric often, but occasionally he makes his way into our conversation. [Maya does see him from time to time because of her little brother and sister at her Mom's.] Maya knows about the court order which clearly states that Eric is not to be a significant part of her life any longer. Which is good! But Maya is 12 and is learning to be an adult little by little and she likes to help to make decisions for her life. It upsets Maya that our court order tells her who she cannot let in her life. Afterall, she wasn't involved in the decision to keep Eric away. So sadly, Eric still has a hold on her. Not a big hold on her, but a hold none-the-less.

I hope and pray she doesn't resent her Mom, Dad, and I for guarding her from Eric. But mostly I hope and pray that as she matures, Maya makes the decision to guard herself from Eric. But maybe that isn't the right way to think about things...maybe I should be hoping and praying that Eric changes himself...hmm...these are heavy thoughts for a Friday!

For now though, I will continue to live my life without the weight of hatred.

How about you? Are there people in your life that you need to practice forgiveness with so you can get on with your life?

TGIF!
The Other Mother